Somehw i feel that life sucks to the max... I am like so depressed..... its like all the ppl tt I love are dyin while I this fked up asshole is still alive... 1st I lost andrew nxt I lost contact wif my most beloved jie hu is Eileen jie well because of a stupid mistake tt I did which i can say as I deserve it ba and I cant forgive myself for hurtin her... I am really srrt jie... den recently I lost my cousin bro hu went to canada to get his pilot license but ended up drownin cause of a fkin whirlpool.. well more like it was a freak accident.... AND NW fkin hell ytd I just receive another bad news... Dear is in bad shape cause of the cancer tt is spreadin in her body and may die in less den a yr or maybe slightly more...

FUCK.... y did god just wan to take all my loved ones but just nt me.... Y must I be tortured like tt??? Cant u just let me die tgt wif them... esp my dear.... Y... Fk it.. if u wan to take my dear from my side... u have to fkin get me 1st u fkin 700 in chinese asshole face man..

I dunno.. I just feel so confused... and I am really tired of gettin hurt always.... just when I tot I would have a gd life wif my dear... u must take her from me as well... I dun care whether she has to die er nt... I noe for sure tt I will always love her always and will nvr leave her side even though u have to take her away... I swear I will... ,,!,, ,,!,, tts wat I will give u....

I guess I go and relax alittle aft postin this... pon from class lolz... later still gt FYP meetin cause need to do alot of stuff... tc folks will update soon when I am free...

DEPRESSED UNCLE STEVEN SIGNIN OFF....

Ahhh...... finally home swt home... went out to do my FYP poster and discuss wif the team on wat to put on the poster... keep tellin myself to tahan wat they say.... looks like my self control of nt flarin up and punchin the shit out of my fked up crappy team leader is pretty gd... haha.... Well I just dunno hw the fk u manage to learn hw to bullshit so much and just lie through ur pants like as if ur takin a god damn piss in the toilet sia... hiaz... no comments liao la u this team leader...

Well my poster I gt onli like until tml to do my part and I gt alot of work to do.. I guess I cant do it today... kinda dead beat... well partly is because I did nt manage to slp well the nite b4.... and aso partly is because my migrane is actin up alittle but nt to worry I took my medication alrdy haha.... last nite I downed 1/2 a bottle of Johnny Walker Black Label... haha well kinda stressed out as feelin tt life is FUCKED UP AS USUAL... which is y today I gotta slp if nt some1 is gg to nag the fk out of me and scold me... haha dear I am srry wor... dun scold me okie??? I just hope my poster presentation tt is on this comin sat on the 18th of july I will just do well enuf....

Bro give me the strength to continue fightin.... and give me the rite mind when doin things... thx ram bro and aso u too andrew... kinda miss u badly andrew and I am srry I have nt been able to visit ur grave as I have been really busy and stressed out... I just hope both of u will look out for me while in heaven... and I hope tt u both are doin well beside the lord.. At times I am kinda envious of u andrew... u have no more worries and all.... I just have the mentality tt hw I wish I could just join u in heaven and just look down upon all those hu I love and just protect them... hw I wish I could do just tt... just end all my misery.... its kinda painful when I think of the past... on the day tt u died... I still cry by myself when I think of the times tt we spent.... I really miss them.... but I noe this I have to take care of myself nw as I need to be strong for my family members as well as for some1 whom I really love and wish I can be wif for the rest of my life... Dear this msg is for u... I will love u wif all my heart and wif all my soul.. I promise.... dun ever think of the negative side okie... just think abt gettin well... I will nvr leave u I swear... no matter hw u may look like or watever illness u have I will always stand wif u fightin and stayin by ur side through all the tough times... I love u dear...

Well folks I gotta go time for me to get my "beauty" slp haha.... ADIOS AMIGOS...

TROUBLED UNCLE STEVEN SIGNIN OFF..............................

Its been kinda long time since i blogged again.... I have alot of things tt are in my heart and I really dunno hw to say or smth... hiaz... 2 wks ago I was diagnosed to be a suspected H1N1 case cause of 1 havin all of the symptoms of the virus (i.e. high fever 38.1 but highest tt I shot up to was like 38.9 I think... runnin nose cough back ache and sore throat) was on LOA for 1 wk... well wat can I say just stay at home for 1 wk lor.... but wat even shook me was the death of my cousin bro hu went to canada to study for his pilot license.

Well wat came to me as the biggest surprise was when I was abt to slp on early sunday mornin arnd 1 am on 5th of july... I suddenly heard the phone ring and when I picked up I just heard my uncle.. by den I suspected smth must have happened was it my aunt or some1 else.... all I heard which gt me almost in tears was " Ram has drowned...." I was like frozen... I just could nt believe it... my cousin hu has gone to canada has died.... I could nt slp at all tt nite I just froze there..... and ended up cryin while on the bed..... well wat I noe is tt at least for 23 yrs of his life he did nt die in vain... he lived up to my grandparent's expectations and well he is also the apple of the eye of my 2 old folks..... and today is the day tt he will be cremeated as well as today is the day his body arrived back in his hometown which is in india... damn it hw I wish I could just fly back to see his body for the last time....I'm srry bro... but I promise I will do my best to keep our grandparents happy and proud I will nt fail u.. I promise... Rest In Peace my dear cousin brother.....

Another regret tt I have is losin a beloved jie of mine.... I hope when u read this entry of mine if ur in my blog tt is... I am srry Eileen jie... pls... forgive me.... I noe wat I did was a stupid mistake... I really miss the times tt we used to meet up and just talk abt anythin under the sun as well as on msn.... wo zhen de dui bu qi ni jie.. yuan liang wo hao ma??? wo hen xiang gen ni liao tian..... dui bu qi jie.... =(

I guess I shall just sign off for nw and just take some rest stil coughin and all just hope it would remain as a suspected case and nt a confirmed one.... hiaz.... to all my frens and loved ones hu read this.... tc and if u suspect anythin tt is amiss try and check urself if u have any symptoms like cough or runnin nose of even fever... if u have go and get medication from the doc pls go and take care of urselves drink more water....

UNCLE STEVEN SIGNIN OFF.........